1. |
First Year
01:03
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2. |
Bruised Blue
03:00
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Leave me. I’m forcing sleep. Palms of salt and soil, I’ve hidden them from the world. Fingers lose focus and hands never hesitate. But I am no victim. I’m still counting the daggers in my sleep and breathing backwards. Did I make it this way or is it the damages I constantly am blaming? All the drugs are gone and the medication thins. I sought after bandage and healing. But symptoms take. Drag the hours. Break the name. Savage conductors treading on the wrists, dividing each vein and drying out. Collapse and clean the needles. Breed a familiar feeling. Where is the fear you promised me, and all the victories that you’ve never seized? I’ll keep beating you into the ground, or was it me at all? I am starving delusions. I am distorting reality. I was happier when I held hatred close to a heart no longer found. Speak in tongues, oh violence come close. “Well you are, and no you won’t”. I’m living in absolutes and preaching a deceased language. I am losing my mind again. Losing everything, but the age can’t prove it’s own worth. A history in retrospect never refuses to relinquish its hidden pain. Don’t ever let the thought cross that you are any better than me. You are nothing. Unworthy of the dirt on the earth beneath.
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3. |
Anxiety
01:23
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Slaves. Plow fields. Constricting. Fueling flame. Draining leech. Exhale smoke. Bend them. I can feel the lungs shake. The spine rattle. Child, rest your weary head. Furnace. Keep them safe. In the stomach all is quiet.
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4. |
Ritualistic
03:02
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I am growing older and pulling back on all the thickness that skin once retained. Stolen youth is fleeting. A sacrificial life held in harms way. I’ve had the needs, the means, and the motives to reclaim, but never the backbone or bravery. Aggression fills the lines and anger follows the pattern. The miracles rust and my dreams lose balance. Some mistakes never leave you. Hanging shadows cover the floods. I can’t trust the forming faces. Locking gaze. Collecting dust. A life worth living low. I saw my own reflection. Cowardice. I left that place but can’t escape the feeling. I can hear voices. Drawing near. Spitting hatred. Digging holes. And every waste of flesh that I’ve ever etched as kin are coming closer. Drawing near. Guard the door for dearest life. Interrupting right between the teeth. Was this all you thought I deserved? Gain nothing. Stay here.
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5. |
Stations
01:04
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These towers were raised in hindsight of a failing defense and I was building the barricades until my bones gave out. I can no longer hear the sounds, nor can I see the colors. Given a new life but careless. How worthless we all become.
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Tooth & Claw Baltimore, Maryland
A reference to the sometimes violent natural world : "Hereupon the beasts, enraged at the humbug, fell upon him tooth and claw".
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